When I awoke this morning I found that we had entered another year. I had no control over it. It just happened. It would be the first day of the first year that I lived on the earth without my earthly father holding living space on the planet as well. How can that be true? The year 2025 was actually a very nice year……..until it suddenly wasn’t.
James and I began the year in Chicago with Alex and Kelsey. Kelsey and I saw Les Mis and Alex and James had fun at the winter classic. We ate at some nice restaurants and welcomed in the new year in style.
Alex continued to serve as the father of an orange cat and he acquired his first pinball machine which he proudly stores at the house of mom and dad since he and Kelsey currently move around so much.
Alex continues to work for Alberici. When his project in Ontario wrapped up he spent a few months on a project in Wichita KS and is now in Wentzville, MO for a few more weeks. He will soon move to Lafayette Louisiana where he will begin an autonomous boat building project. It gives me the perfect excuse to attend Mardi Gras in 2027 and cross that off the bucket list.
Speaking of Mardi Gras, James and I attended the annual Mary Immaculate fundraiser in February with a Mardi Gras theme. One of the auction items was for Principal Hendler to kiss a pig which I happily provided a bid for.
In March we had fun boating and celebrating my mom’s 80th birthday in Florida. We also celebrated James birthday.
In April I attended a women’s retreat at my church, celebrated Easter with
Adam and Lea and attended the first communion of my Goddaughter Eva. I also had fun at MSHA where we took home the “cup” from the Quest for the Cup competition.
In May we celebrated with Adam as he graduated with Honors from the University of Central Missouri. His degree is in cybersecurity. It also worked out that I got to spend Mother’s Day with both boys.
Following graduation James and I snuck off to Branson for a few days to celebrate the launching of our 2nd son.
In June we celebrated Adam’s 21st birthday and my birthday at Disney and were so happy that the kids could all join us.
While at Disney Adam proposed to Lea and she said yes!
In July we celebrated dad and Ginny’s 40th wedding anniversary at their lake home in Arkansas. It was to be the last time I saw my dad alive and in person. We had no idea at the time. How naïve the pre-grief me was.
We spent the rest of the summer relaxing at the lake and in the condo.
We attended several weddings this year.
While at one of the weddings we got to snap a pic of James with every sibling. (That never happens)
We enjoyed attending a tea party bridal shower for Claire and Adam had fun serving as Luke’s best man.
We were blessed to spend some time with friends this year.
And then I woke up on the morning of November 1st. All Saints Day. I was awakened just in time to say goodbye to my dad on the phone from my bed in Missouri as he quietly slipped away in Arkansas. That’s when the world as I knew it completely changed.
To say that this wasn’t supposed to happen is an understatement of such depth that it barely fits the sentiment. We had plans. Lots of them. At some point I will write about the event itself because some truly remarkable things happened during that week. But that day is not today. Today I am still blindly feeling my way through the world with out one of my parents. This new world. This “other” world. A world I did not sign up for and one I am not pleased to travel within. We gathered. We cried. Collectively we tried to say goodbye in a way that would make him proud.
Today I continue to quietly make my way through a prolonged fog of icky grief.
Thanksgiving came and went. It was the first time in 25 years that we did not have either boy with us.
In early December we spent a weekend in St. Louis with Alex and Kelsey doing “Christmassy” things. We tried to escape the grief but she came right along with us.
Also in December we went back to Warrensburg to celebrate Lea’s graduation.
That brings us to the past week. We hosted Christmas with LOTS of help from family. It’s hard to do when crawling through the sludge of messy grief. It took the whole village to get it done. We invited Father Joe and Father Boniface. We took some pictures and I smiled because that is what you are supposed to do. We all did. We smiled. I hope that dad can see how hard we are all trying.
These days I am doing well to get one thing accomplished each day. The only thing I wanted to get done today was to get this written and out there. I feel proud to have accomplished that. It’s not comprehensive. I have left some things out in the summary of our year. There are gobs more pics that I could include, the spacing is all off and I am not even bothering to poof read it but this is the best I have in me at the moment. I have almost made it though day 1 of the year 2026. I am proud of that too.
Praying for all of us as we enter this next year. Praying for health, happiness and peace for each of you.
