Christmas Letter 2015--A year in waiting

I’ll be honest, I had NO idea what I was going to write about in this year’s Christmas letter.  Sure, I could always go the conventional route and simply list each of our accomplishments this year, one by boring one.  However, if you have ever read me you understand that I am FAR from attracted to reading that sort of thing so I work hard each year not to write that sort of Christmas letter myself.   Last week I was sitting at our dining room table and writing our Christmas cards.  (Can I just say that I LOVE to do that?  I love everything about it.  I love selecting from the variety of cards that I keep on hand—you know, the religious, the funny, the cute……  I love selecting which Forever Christmas stamp to use on which card, which return address label to select and which sticker or seal to use on the back   [and sometimes front].  I love greeting cards and those of the Christmas variety are the absolute best.)  While I was sitting there Adam walked by and said “are we inviting THAT many people to Christmas?”  I said no and he said “well then why are you sending out so many invitations?”  I told him they were not invitations to a party they were Christmas cards.  He asked why anyone would want to do that—you know, sit down and intentionally write something many times ON PURPOSE?!  When I told him that it was just a small way to share the holiday with our family and friends he shook his head and said “that looks kinda hard, I think I’ll make my wife do it.”   Let me just say to the future Mrs. Adam Hendler wherever she may be that you heard it here first.     Anyway, as I was working on the cards I could hear the boys in the playroom (the doors from the dining room were open) and I heard Adam say to Alex from clear out of the blue, “So what do you think about purgatory?” (You know you are raising a Catholic kid when……….)  I’ll admit, my ears perked up.  I nonchalantly turned down the TV in the kitchen with the remote using my left hand while continuing to look busy writing with my right hand and completely eavesdropping with the rest of myself.  Adam was sitting and playing a game on his I pad and Alex was playing a video game on his PS4 and neither of them ever looked up as they spoke.  Alex said “Purgatory?  I always pictured it as this great big white waiting room with all these people sitting around just waiting for their turn to go up.”  Adam replied with, “yea, I get that.  I wonder how many prayers it takes to get to go up?”  Alex said “good question, I’m not sure.”  Adam followed with, “I think everybody is graded up there…….like if you did a bad thing that was rated a “bad” level of 4 then you need at least four prayers to get out.”  Alex said “Huh.  I guess that’s a good theory.  All I can say is that I hope I’m not bad at like a level 50 or something because I hate to wait around.”  Adam came back with “I don’t think you have to wait more than a year---even though there is no time up there.”  When Alex asked why, Adam told him it was “because on All Soul’s Day people on earth HAVE to pray for all of the people in purgatory and that’s a LOT of prayers Alex.”  I quit listening after Alex ended with “oh, so THAT’S what that day is for???  GOOD.  I HATE to wait around.”   And there my friends and family, was the birth of the idea for the  Christmas letter for 2015.  “Waiting around.”   Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked “how much of human life is lost in waiting?”  Had I been around when he posed that question I would have responded with “LOTS!”  Every year we all spend LOTS of time waiting around for this or that and this year was no different.   This year Alex turned 15.    He then began to wait to get his driving permit while I waited for my Xanax to kick in   He played hard and waited to earn a varsity  letter in tennis.    In the fall he waited to shower after each football game since I would not let him near other humans before he did so.   He waited to ask his girlfriend Abby to the Homecoming dance and then they waited to go.     James and I spent all of our time at home waiting for Alex to come out of his room and make an appearance.  We are lucky in that he has no natural sustainable food source in there and we can always wait for him to come out for a meal, or a snack, or a drink, or a bite of something------anything really.  He can eat his body weight in food daily and we continue to wait for his metabolism to slow down and for him to gain some actual weight.  We miss him.  We patiently wait for our sightings each day.   James spent the past 12 years waiting to build a deck on to the back of our home.  He is THRILLED to say that the wait is over.  WE both LOVE the new deck!! (that is almost complete)       I spent the year driving to airports and waiting for planes to take me to Washington D.C., Charlotte North Carolina, Orlando Florida, Newport Beach, California, Princeton, New Jersey and Denver, Colorado.  The boys joined me in Washington D.C. and we waited many times for the subway. We also waited to get into museums and onto tour busses.  We waited for a table at many restaurants and for someone to arrive with room service.  Finally, we waited to watch the fireworks from Washington D.C. on the 4th of July.  They all REALLY enjoyed it.    When I was not driving somewhere                    I was busy trying to place 23 graduate students in TWO internship sites EACH.  This took 8 whole months and when finished, there was cake to be shared!  (That is a record number coming out of our program in a single semester.)   Adam, waited to start day one of 6th grade and tolerated a picture I took with his principal.     He waited to be put in for a play or two in 6th grade football and he waited to FINALLY complete his dyslexia reading program!!!  That was a THREE year wait and worth every minute.  Adam has also waited a long time to be "student of the month" and he now has to wait no more!       Adam continues to wait for a phone and as much as we keep telling him that you have to have the word “teen” behind your age to have a phone in our house he continues to wait “loudly” as his days to teen-hood seem to crawl.  He waited for us to inevitably “inherit” another dog  (bringing the total herd up to THREE!!) He also continues to wait to grow up to be  JUST like his dad.   The Mary Immaculate boys basketball team waited ALL fall season to win just ONE game----which they did at the VERY END!!!    Currently we are waiting for the Mary Immaculate School Christmas program.  Adam will get to be “Joseph" this year.   (Quite the step up from the Christmas "sheep" he played last year.)    Sometimes waiting can be painful.  This year we waited for James’ mom to complete a course of cancer treatments.  In August we waited to say goodbye to her as she was sadly called "home."   We waited through my mom’s annual follow up oncology appointment and waited some more as my dad worked his way through his own cancer diagnosis.  All along, we were waiting for good news from both of them and we were grateful to receive it.  Since dad could not come up to visit on Thanksgiving, he waited for Molly and I to send him a selfie.   We waited for my step sister to move to Missouri with her husband and now I finally have a relative in my state!  We welcome Stacey and Tony to Missouri!   In October I waited to travel back home to celebrate my 30 year high school class reunion. I seriously had the BEST time!!!

While there I got to catch up with some of my friends from St. Edwards grade school!! SO FUN!!!!  (See reunion blog if interested).

Alex and Adam had fun waiting for their Michigan cousins to come for a visit in the ‘ville and at the lake.

 

A few weeks ago, we waited once again to take our annual Thanksgiving picture with our Illinois family.  (Arkansas and Iowa members were unable to be there.)  We patiently waited at the bottom of the stairs as my step-dead set the timer for his camera.  We didn’t have to wait long this year though because we got it in just one take. 

 

 As I look down at myself in that picture right in the middle of the whole gang I am grateful for all who can continue to join together to celebrate another year of blessings.  But I also notice that with each passing year there is another missing face or two. (And that picture is a blog I need to write all by itself------I’m waiting to find the time).   This year we missed Bobo who was called home and was one of the founding mothers of our group. I would happily wait around for anything and everything forever if in doing so it meant we could keep everyone together for longer. I hate waiting to say goodbye and have a strict policy of NEVER doing so.  I simply say “see ya later, or soon, or next year…...” 

I should close this year’s letter now as I still have much to do to prepare to host Christmas.  I am waiting to plan the meals, to finish wrapping the presents, to find an appropriate outfit for the boys to wear to mass and on and on and on.

If you happen to find yourself in our area over the holidays, please take a minute to stop by.  We will gladly pull up a chair, pour you a drink and hand you a plate of food.  C’mon over anytime.  We’ll be waiting………..

 

Merry Christmas!

My life today: Thank you IVC class of 1985----30 years later I c...

My life today: Thank you IVC class of 1985----30 years later I c...: “Every traveler has a home of his own, and he learns to appreciate it the more from his wandering.” ― Charles Dickens Homecoming .   ...

Thank you IVC class of 1985----30 years later I celebrate US and I remember!!

“Every traveler has a home of his own, and he learns to appreciate it the more from his wandering.”
― Charles Dickens

Homecoming.  It’s THAT time of year again.  For those of us involved in some form of education every day, Homecoming is an event that happens every single year and not just the four during High School.  For those who do not currently have high school aged children and who do not teach at some “school,” Homecoming celebrations are relegated to every 5-10 years or so and (UNlike High School) participation is voluntary. (And dependent on our new "grown up" schedules).  I think the good Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he guided me toward a career in education.  I am far too nostalgic not to celebrate some form of Homecoming each year, spending time looking backwards and celebrating what was. 

THIS year was especially meaningful for me.  I had the absolute privilege of spending a few days back “home” and celebrating 30 years of post -graduation life with the Illinois Valley Central Class of 1985.  It was in a word, AWESOME. 

In addition to being so much fun, for me, it was a little surreal on a number of fronts.  For starters, when I take a step back and look at my life from a distant view I immediately notice that I am living an existence in a parallel universe to the one in which I dwelled from the Fall of 1981 to the Spring of 1985.  I grew up in a small river town on the banks of the Illinois River.  Back then I lived in Chillicothe, Illinois.  (Chilli).  Now I like in Kirksville, Missouri  (the ‘ville)

Some other random comparisons include..............

Then:  Chillicothe is a town of 6,000 folks. 
Now:  Kirksville is a town of 17,000 (But 7,000 are college students)

Then:  I attended a tiny Catholic school until 6^th grade in Chilli (St. Edwards)

Now:  My kids attend a tiny Catholic school until 8^th grade in the ‘ville. (Mary Immaculate)

(I sure hope Alex feels like this when he visits with his Mary Immaculate friends in 30 years--I seriously love these people)

(Gee------can you tell I'm having a GOOD time?!)

Then:  Many (not all) people in the Chilli area work for Caterpillar Tractor Company.

  

Now:  Many (not all) people in Kirksville work for Truman State University or the Medical/Dental School.

 

Then:  Chillicothe loves their high school football team, regardless of the non-winning record.

Now:  Kirksville:  ditto. (especially the varsity non-winning record)

Then:  Chilli has a great high school band that many kids are involved in.

Now:  Kirksville:  ditto along with chorus.

Then:  In Chillicothe you can’t drive 5 miles outside of town without hitting a corn field.

Now: Kirksville:  ditto.

You get my drift right?  In many ways it just feels normal to live here.  I liken my current life to the one I had back in the 80s. No wonder I'm so drawn to this town!  I have some great friends who I laugh with and work with (instead of go to school with) and it takes only 5 minutes to get from one side of town to the other.  Yep------Chilli and the 'Ville feel very much the same.

While I’m busy making comparisons, how about a few of these class of ’85 senior “mosts” then and now shots?!?!

Most popular:  Kelly and Stacy then & now:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funniest:  Missy (me), Ken and Mimi then & now:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  (Props to Mimi for having faith in us being able to lift Ken 30 years later!)

 

Biggest Flirts:  Michelle and Tim then & now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Biggest jocks:  Debbie, Bob and Diane then & now:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I can’t remember this category (most likely to succeed?  Brainiest??  Most likely to marry Kelly?) I will label this one “Most likely to stand by himself.  Jeff then and now:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I asked him to try and re-create the "look" on his face-----didn't he do great?!

When the IVC class of ’85 was preparing for our reunion we were chatting on Facebook about which song we should play in our truck in the parade.  LOTS of cool 80’s bands were kicked around and we got all excited.  Maybe we could make a “mix” tape!!  (anyone remember those?) That was until our friend Gina reminded us that our parade route was a whole 3 blocks long and would constitute the playing of only ONE song.  This whole exchange makes me laugh to this minute. (And BTW, AC/DC won out!)

 

 

 

My son Alex is 15 and Homecoming this year was his first official “dance”----you know, with a real live GIRL and all.  They were cute and I think we got the tie matched up pretty well to the dress.  (Which was much more of a dramatic event for the kid and I to organize than I would have thought)

While they were enjoying their first Homecoming in the ‘ville I was back in Chilli enjoying Homecoming with the class of '85. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And enjoy it I DID.  What I can’t quite seem to explain to Alex is the overwhelming importance of this time in his life.  Those four years in Highschool are unlike any other four years in your entire life.  While it’s true that when looking at your life as a whole, your time in High School is a mere drop in your lifetime bucket of experiences……………it’s also true that  those are BIG DROPS. 

The people you attend High School with and the experiences you have at that important time  in your life with those certain people write on the slate of who you are.  In my opinion, those people who experienced that time of your life right along with you MATTER………regardless of the relationship you had with them at the time.  For me, it’s important (and FUN) to come back together, compare memories and "dish" about who  we were and what we have all become.  I know this is hard for some people because maybe they don’t quite remember High School the way I do.  (That is true of my husband who does not “get” this whole reunion thing).  But, our friend Kathy summed it up perfectly when she said this: 

"I know there are some people out there that still hold on to high school grudges. High school was 30 years ago. It wasn't always easy, but I personally am looking forward to seeing my old classmates. I don't care who was popular, who wasn't, who said what to who, who got divorced, who got fat, who lost their hair, who hurt who, who went to what grade school, who was rich and who wasn't... I just want to have a good time with people who share a part of my past. The truth is we may not get another 10 years. We have already lost a few of us. God knows we have forgotten about so many more. I'm not getting any younger. So for me...I just want to see some of my old classmates and have a good time. With that said, I hope to see all of you on October 3rd!"

I love this sentiment more than I will ever be able to explain.  This chick knocked it outta the park for me.

And in fact, I would say that when the reunion was finished most of us felt like Karen:  “There was a lot of love in the room that grew by leaps and bounds as each classmate arrived and for that I am truly thankful!”

Perfect Karen.  I concur. 

We are a unique group of people who were brought together in one place for four years at an extremely influential time in our lives.  (and most of us lived to tell the tale!)That should be celebrated.  And speaking of “unique” can I just say this:  In Missouri every other school has a tiger for a mascot.  It doesn’t matter if it’s an elementary school, a high school or a university----Missouri is FULL of tigers.  We have tons. 

 

BUT, have you ever really heard of a mascot as unique as a “grey ghost?”  Seriously, that’s pretty cool---- in spite of how much fun my husband has poked at "us" over the years. (“Ooooooooo Missy, what did you guys do in High School-------run around and yell “Boo?” ) I texted him the score of the IVC football game at halftime last Friday night and he said “does that mean you don’t have a ghost of a chance.”  (Yea, very funny James but my Grey Ghost can probably spook the hell out of any Missouri Tiger.  But……I digress. 

 

When I got back home I was asking Alex how HIS first homecoming was.  In his 15 year old teenage boy way he said “it was good.”  When pressed further by me (Who was there? What did they wear? Was your tie ok? Did you go out to eat at Pancake City afterwards? Did you get home by curfew? Are you still in good standing with your date? What songs were played? Did you slow dance?) he looked at me after question # 2 and said OMG mom, STOP! WHY is this so important to you?!?!  Yea, okay.  God willing I’ll ask him again in 30 years.  He’ll totally “get” it then.

The truth is, when he heads back for his “dumb” reunion I hope he feels like me in this picture.

(Gotta love my sister for snapping that pic of me in all of my reunion glory).

So from deep inside my heart I want to say “Thank you” to Karen (even though she thought no one would come) and Bob for planning and hosting,  

to Gina (and Brian) for being my “date,” keeping me supplied with beer, offering their truck for the parade and carting me around when I’d perhaps been slightly over served, 

 to Jaelithe for making the cake AND for being brave enough to come out and talk to people  (Look how important you are girl----you made the blog!  SEE?!  We remember you! 

To one of my favorite people ever, Stacy for taking some pics that I could steal for this blog (Yea Stace, I never got around to asking you about that---sorry----love you!)

and to everyone else from the class of ‘85.  I laughed and cried all the way back “home” on my long drive to Missouri while thinking about the weekend.  The people in the IVC class of 1985 matter to me.  At the end of the night Kelly brought her memory book over for me to see while at Bob’s house.  We stepped over to one of the only well lit areas and she pulled out a poem I had written senior year.  It was hand written in blue ink on white notebook paper and folded in half.   I remember writing that poem in the library on the last full week of school like it was yesterday . The poem ends with something like “and Missy will always remember.”   Yep.  True story.  And remember I do……………………………………………………….

Honestly, I could write about this weekend for another several hours and not capture everything about how amazing and funny and just plain FUN it was.  But I need to stop for now and resume the work of Truman State University.  There’s much to do around here.  This week is homecoming.