Christmas 2023: A Reflection on a Collection of Moments

Dear family and friends,

Hello and Merry Christmas from me to you.

If I were going to re-invent myself as a social media influencer I would call myself the “moment collector.” I think it would be really neat if there was a site where someone digitally housed a collection of special moments that have "moved" people in meaningful ways. This occasionally happens on the television show America’s Got Talent (AGT). (And in most Hallmark commercials) If you want to experience goosebumps while watching someone have a moment, try googling Darci Lynne or Kodi Lee or Jane Marczewski (Nightbirde) on AGT and specifically look for their initial auditions. You can do the same with Susan Boyle on her initial Britain's Got Talent (BGT) audition. In fact, you can watch a judge have a moment (David Williams) on BGT when he watches the Flakefleet Primary School choir sing and dance to Don’t Stop Me Now. He has such a moment that I often cry right along with him.

I used to pray that God would bless each of my boys with just one special moment and while I hope they will have several over the course of their lifetime (if in fact they are paying attention,) I have noticed at least one for each of them so far that involved kicking a meaningful field goal when it needed to count (Alex) and watching Adam’s reaction as his name was called for a modeling award. In those moments each boy gained not only a memorable "moment" but some much needed confidence right when they really needed it. I think of those as moments with a bonus!

The super cool thing is that you don’t need to have a special talent to find yourself having a special moment. I’ve had several in fact and I have very little actual talent.

I had a moment when I experienced my first kiss, in high school, on a dance floor. That single moment traveled with me into the overnight hours as I replayed it over and over and over again.

I had a moment as I walked into a silent gymnasium illuminated only by candles held by my/our parents as we were in the middle of a Teens Encounter Christ event.

I had a moment when I found myself standing on a bridge over looking the river Seine in Paris when I was 18 years old and contemplating life.

I had a moment after I gave birth to Alex when James looked at me in utter disbelief and said “You are my hero!”

I had a moment when I was standing on the top deck of a Disney cruise ship and the captain navigated her into a glacier filled fjord and spun the ship around to the most majestic music I have ever heard.

I had yet another moment when James took his first steps after he broke his back.

 I was privileged to get to watch James himself have a moment when the student body chanted “we love Hendler” at his last public school assembly back in May.

I have a moment every single time I watch the coaches and athletes (usually in picture form) react at my nephew Brad’s grave when they are in my hometown for the BWMT.  I got to have my own moments while there this year as I attended.

I love watching people have moments and of course, I am grateful for each of my own.

When you become an empty nester your moments change in ways that you were not expecting. You don’t have a choice really……it just happens. As your moments are changing you find yourself with extra time in your “headspace." This year I've been spending lots of time thinking about the future as compared to the past and present as I have known it. Both boys will be home for Christmas this year but I have to wonder how many more of those holidays I will have as they both grow and wander farther away from their original family nest. It’s the natural order of things I suppose, but it makes for some melancholy filled moments when you are a change and risk averse person such as myself.

Because I found myself in such a pensive mindset this year I had several “moments” when I was decorating for Christmas. Every Christmas from the first year they were born I've been giving the boys Christmas ornaments that somehow mark and in fact catalog each year of their growth in some meaningful way. I do the same for James and myself. This year I had many moments as I unboxed each ornament and relived all of our milestones thus far.

In our house we have a central family Christmas tree. We also each have a tree for our individual ornaments as well as ornament wreaths to display our collections.

I had several meaningful moments this year as I thought back to my own childhood.

I have ornaments marking the things I played with...

the television shows I watched.......(Not including numerous Wizard of Oz ornaments that I did not get out this year)

and the countless hours I spent at the roller skating rink as I was growing up.

I have ornaments that make me remember meaningful moments in my prayer life,

ones that make me remember all the years of baking cookies for everyone.....

and one that makes me remember how grateful I 've been to host Christmas for so many years.

I have ornaments that remind me of the moments I spent traveling to new places and seeing new things.

Finally, no tree of mine would be complete with out this (if you know, you know).

James has ornaments on his tree marking some special moments for him (and me) as well.

He has some ornaments that cause us to pause and remember his parents.

He has a memorial ornament for his aunt Myrna.

He has a leg-lamp ornament marking his favorite holiday movie phrase "fra-gee-lay."

He has ornaments to remember his many years of teaching.

He has several sports related ornaments for obvious reasons.

There's the glass ornament of the Zamboni he always wanted to drive

and a STL Rams ornament marking the moments from before they left STL.

Here's one to mark James favorite cartoon character. (This surprises no one right?)

This one marks the many moments that we participated in a 9 pin bowling league

and here's one to remember the many moments that James spent at the soft serve machine on one of our cruises.

While preparing for Christmas this year I remembered so many moments that James and I have shared over the years. When we first started dating we went fishing a lot. I have ornaments to remember those times as well as the first ornament I ever got James which is the mini turtle in the canoe next to the fishing vest below.

I remembered the moments spent during our first Christmas together.......

and speaking of our first Christmas together I did not yet have many ornaments (or money) back then so here is Sebastian from the Little Mermaid that I got in a happy meal back in the early 90s. For lack of anything better I stuck him on our empty tree. He is sitting in a nest because in the Walton's Christmas (pilot) movie Mary Ellen puts a nest on their tree. I always liked that. They go up every year on our main tree. These moments too I remembered.

There's the year we got married........

The year we bought our house........

and the year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.

As a moment collector you can imagine the ornaments that I have from the moments when the boys came along. I  often joke with them that their inheritance is tied up in ornaments.

There are of course ornaments to remember the moments that the boys were born...

They have ornaments commemorating the things they played with....

the hours of movies and television programs we watched

and some of the books that we read.

Here are some from the many years they played  basketball, football, cross country and tennis.

There was the year Alex was in Cub Scouts and made his slot car.

The year they both took piano lessons.......

and moments when they were introduced to technology.

As Alex grew up he had many moments of special interests including skateboarding and watching hockey.

And both boys have years of moments FULL of video gaming.

Adam has held many interests as well over the years. Some of his many moments have included rock climbing, jiu jitsu, fashion modeling and playing the guitar.

There was the year the boys saved their money and bought their own air hockey table.

There are countless “picture” ornaments marking each child’s growth over the years. I had lots of moments while looking at those.

Here are some of Alex as he grew and changed.......

 

and here is Adam and some of his many moments of growth.......

Some of my favorite moments each year include un-boxing all of the boys’ (and my) homemade ornaments and decorations.

Both James and the boys have ornaments marking all of the moments they spent hunting together.

 

We have ornaments commemorating many moments of our family adventures. These include but are not limited to the many Cardinals games we attended......

the summer we spent watching as Mark McGwire broke the homerun record....

not to be outdone by the moment marking the night that James and Alex watched the Blues win their one and only Stanley Cup.

I also have ornaments that commemorate the boys' college choices and remember the moments of contemplation as those decisions were made.

I remembered Alex's most recent moments when he got his first grown up job and decided to start saving for a pinball machine.

I also had moments this year as I remembered these two ornaments.  Can you guess which boy got which one?

Our family tree displays many additional moments in time that I reminisced on this year. We have all of our family dogs who have crossed the rainbow bridge....

some from of our various Disney vacations......

and who could forget the year we were supposed to go on a cruise but instead spent time in rehab after James broke his back

There were the several years we traveled to Universal studios.

I have ornaments that my dad brought back from his time in Germany

and my sister and I circa 1975

and of course I remembered the moments we spent in Florida for Christmas due to COVID

We also have a special ornament wreath to display hand made ornaments made by my paternal grandparents when they were still with us.  I visited with them again in my thoughts this year.

I also remember them each year as we add the topper to our tree.

When I emerged from my haze of  56 years of moments I reflected on how fortunate I have been to have many special moments from this year alone.

I had spent some amazing moments making memories with old and new friends both in town, in other towns, other states and at the lake. 

I spent some moments with my dad and Ginny as we rented a boat in Florida and had lunch at Cabbage Key.

James and I spent some meaningful moments together this year. We found ourselves sharing moments at the annual Mary Immaculate Sweetheart Dinner, in several theaters, at the lake, in Arkansas, in Florida and while visiting Adam at school.

I had a powerful moment when I realized that James now gets to teach in a school where it is okay to display a cross in the classroom.

I spent so many moments laughing with my sister Molly and her husband Kevin all over the place

I had a moment on Mother's Day when Alex gifted me a candle of his personality and spectrogram of him reciting the phrase "I love you."

I had a moment when James retired from nearly 30 years of teaching in our local public middle school.

I had wonderful moments spent with my family as Adam turned 19.

I had some scary moments watching Adam rock climb and get used to his electric long board.

We had some special moments when we went to visit Adam for his family weekend at college.

I had a moment in August when James and I went to a concert with Alex after we saw his first "grown up" apartment in Detroit for the first time.

I had a few moments as I watched (usually from afar) as Alex and Kelsey and Adam and Olivia created their own moments all over the place.

We spent some fun moments with Adam and Olivia at my dad's lake house in Arkansas.

James and I each had a special moment as we met our newest grand neice in Michigan

We spent some sad moments as we said goodbye to our inherited dog Patty.

We were not in our usual place over Thanksgiving as we had to stay at home because Alex had some long moments of sickness.  I was happy however to have a moment when I realized we were all four back home together.........hence the shoes at the bottom of the stairs.  I took a moment to say thanks to the man upstairs.

And although we were not in Illinois for the annual family Thanksgiving photo I spent a happy and grateful moment that this was my view at Thanksgiving.

As the Fall, 2023 academic semester was coming to a close the current co-hort heading out on internship gifted each of the the faculty with a calendar.  Mine was spiritually based and we each had a special page! To make my page special some of them went to my church and took a picture.  Are you kidding me?!  They also took the month of November to write us each some personal notes.  I had SUCH a moment looking through that.  (I'm still not over it.........no really, I'm still crying as I type).

I had another recent moment at our faculty Christmas lunch this year.  My good friend Ilene had drawn my name and she got me two bracelets.  One of them says "your anxiety is lying to you" and one of them says "you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."  This was on the same day that I received the calendar above.  So, I cried once again as I had another meaningful moment.

  

We spend some important reflective moments each year as we remember James' mother.....

And I was beyond blessed to have many moments spent with my own parents this year

which brings me back around full circle in my story regarding the collection of some of my moments and in fact the point (finally) of this year's letter.

The truth is, none of us really know how many moments we all have left together. I am spending some time this year writing individual letters to my family and long time faithful friends. I'm taking a moment to tell those important people that are still around how much they mean to me and what a meaningful place they have had in my life thus far .........because I have had the privilege of SO many wonderful moments with so many different but very important individuals.  Because of them I have the ability to collect, cherish and reflect on so many meaningful moments across my life. For those moments and for this one, I am grateful.

My reality is that my life is as imperfect as it is messy. Some of my pictures here are blurry, the formatting is all off and my house is a conglomeration of memories with no real theme. We will never make it on a Christmas home tour of well placed decorations worthy of fancy magazine covers and in fact most of our surfaces are covered in dog hair. But that's okay. I'm so grateful for my collection of moments and look forward to the (God-willing) future additions. Please, please take a moment to let those people you love know just how special they are.  None of us is promised tomorrow so please take a moment now and fill them in. If you are looking for me this Christmas, I will be at home with my two boys at least one more time. I will be at home, in fact, ........having a moment. Merry Christmas!