Dear cheap tickets,

Dear cheap tickets,

My name is Melissa and lately I have been flying a lot. I don't like to fly but I refuse to allow that to limit my life in any way so I get good and drugged up before take off and continue on. I am a very organized person and I try my best to schedule my entire semester's worth of travel at the beginning of each academic term for maximum efficiency.

Today I was scheduled to fly to Orange County California. I live in the middle of a corn field so it is best that I share with you that it takes me, on average, 3 hours to get to an airport that services planes where you can sit without staring at the back of the pilot's head which is what I prefer. This is not because I have a scalp phobia but rather because I prefer to board a plane where they don't have to run to the rear of the cabin to wind it up. The other reason I fly on grown up size planes is for the classy upgraded beverage service. My preference here is for the good old fashioned cart with two operators handing out beverages versus the toy plane method where the passengers pass around a mini igloo cooler and serve themselves.

You may be wondering why I am choosing to share this with you and believe me, I am getting to that. In case you have not heard, higher education is broke. In today's economy I am lucky to have a job that I not only like but allows me the luxury of travel to some meetings that I genuinely enjoy as well as find important for my job. In an effort to save university money, I like to park and fly in Kansas City. Last night I drove to KC and spent the night to not only take advantage of the lower parking rate that hotels provide but to also avoid driving stoned because as I said, I don't fly without significant medicinal supports in place.

My flight was scheduled to leave this morning at 10:22. I arrived to the airport at 9:15 which leaves plenty of time for navigating oneself around KCI. Imagine my surprise when I arrived at the check in kiosk to learn that my flight had already left. What????

It seems that there was a schedule change LAST WEEK and CHEAP TICKETS FAILED to notify me of this little tidbit of information. I was lucky though because they have another flight that promptly leaves at 4:30 and arrives in Denver at 5:17. You see, you can't fly from KC to Orange directly, you must first transfer in Denver. I am now scheduled to leave Denver at 6:15 and arrive on the West coast at 7:38. This leaves me stranded in the KC airport for the next 7 hours. Being a frequent traveler I have come prepared with many items to work on and am camped out near the US Customs and Border Protection office at the airport. This seems like the least busy place around at this time so it is nice and quiet.

I however, did NOT bring enough items to keep me busy for the entire 7 hours and this is where you come in. You see, I figure you guys owe me some form of entertainment for neglecting to notify me of this important flight change. As I said, I am sitting at the international flight arrival and federal inspection service gate all alone with the exception of one other guy and his buddy who are speaking with federal agent Curtis about his impending deportation to Somalia or Ethiopia (hes not really quite sure where) while he argues via an interpreter on a cell phone that should he fly back to his mother country his tribes' men will swiftly take his life. (you cannot make this stuff up). Anyway, that is where I am and I will wait for you here.

When you arrive we can discuss the changes to my return flight. I was scheduled to leave Orange county at 3:00 pm on Saturday and the ticket agent told me, once I was wise enough to ask, that my return flight would now leave California af 6:45 am. This will require me to leave the conference early on Saturday thus missing the morning sessions. My idea is that you will send a cheap tickets representative to attend the meeting and take notes for me on Saturday morning. This seems like the most logical way to proceed wouldn't you agree? Looking forward to seeing you soon!

All the best,

Midlife Melissa

P.S. Could you bring an electrician along with you? This place has only 4 outlets and they appear to all be on the ceiling. In the event that you cannot locate an electrician in a timely manner, perhaps you could just bring a ladder or some scaffolding to sit on or something like that. My electronic devices could use some juice.